The Perfect Fan
by Sinbad
Summary: A time-space anomaly causes chaos for Heero and Jasmine
1.

_The Perfect Fan_   
By (Sinbad) Sean Marsula   
A Gundam Wing Fanfic 

Press release: The most critically acclaimed fic is stunning people left and right. Critics are raving and jumping out of their seats to kill other critics in a jealous rage against those whom they believe shouldn't read such a masterpiece.   
Bill Weathersby of the "Washington Post" mutters wildly, "This fic was so laugh out loud I peed my pants, and I wasn't even wearing pants!"   
Rebecca Schueller of the "Philadelphia Inquirer" exclaims, "I laughed, I cried, and then I started to read the fic and was amazed."   
Needless to say many are prophesizing this to be the greatest fic of all time. And now for your reading pleasure we present another fic, as that other fic was too hard and expensive to obtain. Hahahahahahahaha! Fools! Nobody's read this fic so it could go either way. We're just the media anyway. We never have any clue what we're saying anyhow. 

Author's notes:   
I apologize for the insane rantings of the media. Apparently nobody will read a new writer with that other fic out. Anyhow, this is my first fic and since no one's reviewed it yet comments and criticism are requested, especially criticism so I can verbally abuse my haters in response. Kidding. Both C & C are welcomed and no need to worry about retribution on my part. Oh and my apologies to anyone involved in the media. I'm sorry you have to work with such morons. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters associated with it (except in my dreams, but you don't want to go there). It belongs to Sotsu/Sunrise/Bandai. The others are mine and any relation to anyone in real life is purely by accident. 

Warnings: slight OOC at times 

All right let's kick start this mofo. 

Part 1   
*********************   
Present day, present time 

It was late Sunday night (or early Monday morning if you're the technical type) and Jasmine was stretched out on the couch with her cat Heero, blue light flashing on her face as she stared intently at the television. She was by herself as usual, ever the insomniac, and the rest of her family was comfortably asleep upstairs. Typical of nights like these and her need for some activity, she was enveloping herself into the world of Gundam Wing.   
A young blond haired girl was standing on a cliff staring into the vast expanses of the ocean as though she actually saw something within the sea's limitless monotony. The wind picks up and her hair flows behind her as she yells out to the ocean, "Heerooo! I'm right over here so come and kill meeee!!!"   
A slight smirk lit up on Jasmine's face as she mimicked the girl on the screen calling out the young man's name along with her. Realizing her surroundings she glanced up the stairs looking and listening if her momentary lapse into fantasy had disturbed anyone. She let out a sigh of relief as all was quiet as usual. She looked down to her cat that was glaring at her for disturbing its quiet musings in its own cat fantasies.   
"Sorry kitty," she said to the cat as she caressed his head. "I didn't mean you, though it would be nice if you were the real Heero."   
She giggled at the thought and imagined Mr. Perfect Soldier lying next to her on the couch as she caressed his head. _Caressing wouldn't be the only thing I would be doing to him if I had him here_> At this she hooted wildly as her cat was steadily getting annoyed at what appeared to him to be another step closer into insanity for his owner.   
Jasmine regained her composure and watched as the end credits started to roll on the television. She glanced up at the clock as it struck 5:00 am.   
"Well Heero, it looks like it's time for me to join the rest of the city and go to bed."   
She bounced up the steps down the hall to her room. She flicked on the lights and paper images of unruly hair, green tank tops, biking shorts, and deep, piercing blue eyes filled her view.   
After changing into some purple pj's she hopped onto the bed and knelt to gaze into the image on the wall next to it. Jasmine closed her eyes and kissed the glossy poster of the fierce looking Gundam pilot.   
"Goodnight my Heero," she softly spoke. "If you don't come by to say 'I love you' or at least come and kill me soon I'll have to overthrow a nation for the ideals of peace to get you here." She smiled again at her silly, psychotic mind and settled in for the night.   
*************************   
AC 197 

Heero Yuy was diligently working on repairs for his Gundam when the computer screen started to flash in the cockpit. He quickly situated himself in front of the screen and took in the details of his next mission. On screen he was informed he was to take down a rogue squadron of Virgos that were controlled by revolutionaries located near the moon.   
"Mission accepted," the dark haired pilot calmly said. Heero prepped his Gundam and piloted it into space soon arriving at his destination to encounter the rogues.   
"This should be a quick mission," he mused, "even without Wing Zero at full capacity."   
As he said this, the squadron spread wide and surrounded him. Heero shot Wing Zero's rifle cannon to take out a couple. The rest he made quick work of with the Gundam's beam saber.   
_Even easier than I thought it would be_>, he thought to himself. With his mission accomplished, Heero turned back and headed toward Earth to continue working on his Gundam. As he started to approach Earth, everything around him started to look distorted. He looked around him as his surroundings turned hazy and faint.   
"What's going on?" he whispered to himself with the slightest sound of worry.   
The air around him now was starting to ripple as though his Gundam was a stone being hurled into a pond. He tried maneuvering to see if he could escape whatever phenomenon he was entering. His attempts failed. Whatever was going on, it continued. Heero began to feel weak and was having trouble controlling Wing Zero. His hands slowly slipped from the controls as his vision simultaneously began to dim. Before long all was pitch black.   
*************************   
"Jasmine! Jasmine get up or you'll be late for school!"   
Jasmine lay face down on her pillow, her brown hair strewn about in every which way. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at the clock. "Why the hell does school have to start so early?" she mused groggily. With a sigh and a slight struggle, Jasmine picked herself out of bed and got dressed for school. Downstairs her mother had breakfast waiting for her.   
"Mommm! I don't have time for breakfast. I'm late enough as it is. Just make me a big lunch or something."   
"Alright honey," her mother replied hesitantly, "but don't make a habit of this."   
"Fine mom," Jasmine groaned in response.   
_Ding-dong._   
"That's probably Jane and Susan," said Jasmine. "Catcha later mom."   
Jasmine ran out the door in a whirl of color and greeted her friends.   
"Hey Jasmine," Jane said with a smile. "Say, you look pretty beat."   
"Yeah. I didn't really get much sleep last night. Come on lets get going to class or else we'll end up being late."   
"I know why you look like "_Night of the Living Dead_". I bet you were watching that stupid Gonzo Wong show, huh?" Susan chimed in with hint of hostility.   
"It's Gundam Wing Susan, and it's not stupid. Maybe you should actually watch it before you judge it. It's actually a very complicated show with very provocative ideas in it."   
"Alright, alright. You know I was just kidding with ya. Sheesh. Sometimes I think you're a little too involved with that show. I mean who gets a crush on fictional characters. Who's that one you like? Herald or something?"   
"It's Heero," Jane says, trying to keep any kind of tension between the other two from escalating.   
"That's right," replied Jasmine. "And you'd be just in love if you saw him."   
"Too bad he's not real," snorted Susan. "Then maybe you'd actually have a boyfriend for once that looks good."   
"That's funny. I don't recall you thinking of Andre as ugly before. As I recall you said he was 'Antonio Banderas' young clone'. Could it perhaps be that he thinks I'm better looking than you? What do you think Jane? Do think that's why Andre dumped Susan for little old me?" Jasmine turned to Jane with a wry smile.   
"Alright you two. Knock it off. Let's talk about something else," says Jane. "So, do you guys think Adam is gonna ask Michelle out at lunch or what?"   
Susan recomposed herself. "I don't know. That's what his friend says, but I think he's still working himself up for me."   
"Oh please!" Jane started to laugh. "You're so full of yourself Susan."   
"Uh oh," yelped Jasmine. "I forgot my lunch. My mom is already on my case about not eating breakfast. You guys go ahead. I'll catch up with you at school."   
With that Jasmine left the other two behind and dashed back towards home. As she turned the block, ripples began to form in front of her like those that appear on a hot summers day over the blacktop. Jasmine stopped, bewildered at the scene unraveling before her.   
"What's going on here?"   
She tried to back away but the wavy air followed her and soon enveloped her. Darkness was all that remained.   
************************* 

Whatcha think? Holla back at me with some comments, criticism, or derogatory remarks. ^_^


	2. 

*************************   
_The Perfect Fan_   
by Sinbad   
Part 2   
*************************   
Jasmine woke up face down in relative darkness. After what seemed like a lifetime of silence Jasmine regained all her senses. Pain coursed through her body in nanoseconds. It hurt to move. Hell, it hurt just to think. From above she heard a familiar voice.   
"Hey Heero! What've you done now?"   
Jasmine immediately recognized the voice as that of the longhaired God of Death. _Either I'm dreaming or I got knocked senseless_> She attempted to sit upright but instead fell hard on her face. "Shit!" she screamed out.   
"Come on Heero! It's not like this is the worst injury you've ever gotten, so put those bones back into place and hop on out." Duo moved down to bring Jasmine out.   
"Heero?" Jasmine called back up. "Duo, I don't think he's down…" Suddenly realizing what she was saying she came to grips with the situation. "Hold on now. I don't usually get excruciating pains when I dream," Jasmine mumbled to herself.   
"You ain't dreaming buddy. Face it, even the perfect soldier gets shot down sometimes," replied Duo overhearing Jasmine's comments.   
_The perfect soldier. That must mean that I'm …_> She felt hands grab to pull her up. "AHHHHHH!!!!"   
"Huh? Need me to call you an ambulance Heero? Or should I get Relena to?" Duo chuckled.   
"YES!"   
"Wha? I thought Mr. Spandex never needed anyone to help him," Duo said with smirk and slight concern.   
"Well I sure as hell need one now! And I'm not Heero so stop calling me that. My name is Jasmine and it seems that I must have gotten trapped in Heero's body or something by going into an interdimensional anomaly."   
Duo laughed a little at what Jasmine had said but quickly was filled with concern for his pilot friend. "Jeez. You must of hit your head pretty hard this time Heero. Come on I'll take you to the hospital. Hilde's got the truck just over the hill."   
Jasmine accepted that for the time being. If she said any more she'd sound like a raving lunatic, or at least more so than now. _For now I'll just see if I can get rid of this damned pain_> "Alright let's go hot pants…er… I mean… hmph."   
"What'd you say?" Duo exclaimed bewildered.   
"I said let's go," Jasmine quickly shot back. _I've got to remember who I am right now. I am a man. I am Heero Yuy. Got to resist incredibly gorgeous pilots. Got to resist incredibly gorgeous pilots_>   
*************************   
Heero awoke to find himself in a hospital bed hooked up to an IV. Hearing steps down the halls he quickly shut his eyes and lowered his heart rate as he was taught to do in training.   
"Right this way Mrs. Lee." The nurse led Jasmine's mother into Heero's room. One look at her daughter and she rushed at her side bursting with tears.   
"I begged you honey not to skip breakfast! Now look at you! Hooked up to an IV, in a coma, and leaning on the brink of death!" She clutched onto Heero and sobbed profusely creating a rather large wet spot on Heero's hospital gown.   
"No need to worry Mrs. Lee," urged the nurse trying to calm the frantic mother down. "Jasmine here is just fine. It's looks as though she just fainted. We'll monitor her for a little while just to make sure everything is ok, but the tests show nothing is wrong with her."   
"Are you sure? What's this here!? I think she's bleeding! Nurse quick get the doctor my daughter's been stabbed! How could you overlook this massive amount of blood? You people are such incompetent…"   
"Uh, Mrs. Lee…that's where you were crying just a few moments ago."   
"Oh. Of course. I was just ensuring that my daughter has top-notch caretakers. You know nothing but the best for my little Jasmine."   
Heero in the meantime was trying to sort this situation out without revealing that he was conscious, wary that this could be some sort of sinister plot. _Who would want me to think I was a girl with a ridiculously over reactive mother? Is OZ trying to play with my mind? I have to get out of here as soon as these people leave. Maybe Trowa could give me some info on any new movements linked to OZ_>   
"Well Mrs. Lee visiting hours are over. Jasmine will most likely be released in the morning. We'll call you when she's ready to be discharged."   
"Alright. Stay safe my little sweetheart." Mrs. Lee blew a kiss to her daughter and exited the room with the nurse.   
_These actors really know how to lay it on thick. Time to make my escape> _Heero opened his eyes and examined himself to make for certain OZ hadn't tampered with anything on his person. As he looked down at himself he noticed two large lumps on his chest._ What have they done to me?_> Heero opened the top of his gown to look down and saw that his chest had grown, so to speak. _They've turned me into a woman!! I'll kill whoever has done this to me after they change me back_> He gave his two new endowments a little squeeze. _They have done a pretty good job making them feel real…er…on with my mission_>   
Heero pulled out the IV and jumped out of bed. Just as he was making his way to the door he noticed himself in the mirror only to discover a young girl. He reached up touching his face to confirm what he saw. In place of his unruly dark hair were layers of black curls. He was shorter and all woman. Reaching down to below his mid-section there was something not there that had always been there before.   
"I am going to KILL EACH AND EVERY MEMBER OF OZ!!!!" The feminine voice that wailed out caught him off guard a little, however, he regained composure. "Alright. I've got to get out of here before security comes."   
The once menacing looking pilot now turned cute little fem-fatale dashed down the hall in search of a change of clothes. Noticing a young female nurse stocking some linen in the storage room he stopped and knocked her out. He dragged her body in and shut the door. Heero quickly stripped her down and exchanged clothes taking a little extra time figuring out how to hook on a bra. _This will do for now. Now I've got to find someone who can tell me what's going on?_>   
*************************   
Critical comments are especially appreciated. 


	3. 

  
*************************   
_The Perfect Fan_   
by Sinbad   
Part 3   
*************************   
"Heero?" cooed out a petite young blond. "Are you awake Heero?"   
Jasmine slowly drifted out of sleep mode and back into reality. "Huh? Knock it off mom. I'll be up for school in a minute I just …" She winced in pain as she shifted toward the voice. Opening her eyes she saw before her a pair of blue eyes looking back with great concern.   
"Heero, it's me Relena. Don't you remember me?"   
Jasmine smirked. "Sure. You're the girl I'm either gonna kill or marry someday."   
Relena eased up a little but still looked slightly concerned. "Are you okay Heero? You don't sound quite yourself."   
Jasmine reflected on her situation. _This could be my chance to get Heero and Relena together. Then again what if I'm stuck as Heero forever? I mean I love the guy but I wanted to be with him, not _be_ him. Well couldn't hurt to spark a little somethin' somethin'_>   
"Oh of course I'm fine. It's just…it's just this crash has given great insight into life and what we have between us."   
"Are you sure you're ok Heero?"   
"Yes Relena. I have something I have to ask you. Will you go out with me?"   
Relena was dumbfounded. Slowly a glimmer of joy filled her eyes. "Of course Heero. I'm glad you've finally realized what's been between us all this time."   
"Great! Let's make it a romantic dinner next week followed by a moonlit walk on the beach." Jasmine was ecstatic inside. _I hope I'll be able to find that anomaly soon. Boy is Heero gonna be in for a surprise when he gets back_ >   
"That would be great Heero. In the meantime you get yourself better. I'll be back sometime later this week." Relena walked out of the room with a huge crescent of a smile and gave Jasmine a warm look upon exiting.   
"This is fun," Jasmine uttered to herself. "It's almost a pity I won't get to see the fruits of my labor. At least I hope I won't."   
*************************   
Heero was having a hard time figuring out his surroundings. Everything seemed so dated, like what he recalled reading about in his history studies. The computer systems were simplistic in configuration, though it did make it easier for the ace hacker to find information. Searching through the Web he came across the present date.   
"That distortion I encountered must be what's done this. It must have been some space-time anomaly." Heero pushed back his chair at stared at his feet deep in thought. _How can I get back to my time?_>   
He decided to take a walk to ponder over his present enigma. Strolling through the near by park Heero encountered several boys who stared intently at him. Slowing down they approached him.   
"Hey Jasmine how are you and Andre doing?" asked the tall one.   
"If it ain't going too well how 'bout you work that body with me sometime." The blond one said this with a none too flattering smile.   
"Shut up punk," cried the short one. "If she's gonna dump that kid Andre for anyone it's gonna be me." He proceeded to move in and grab hold of Heero. With one quick action Heero knocked the short boy to the ground.   
"Yo, I was only playin' girl. You know me," pleaded the short one as he backed away in fear. The blond moved in to defend his friend.   
"Who do you think you are? You don't do that to anyone who's on my ball team!" The blond one moved in closer to attack Heero disregarding the social dogma against hitting girls. Staring at his attacker without a word Heero sidestepped the lunge and kicked the back of the boy's leg sending the blond youth to the ground. Bewildered and scared the mock gang ran away dragging their battered male pride behind them. Heero continued on his walk through the park.   
*************************   
Jasmine had recovered from her injuries quickly attributing it Heero's superior physique. She now had taken on the task of figuring out how to get back to her reality despite loving every minute of her walk through the Gundam looking glass. She decided to consult with Trowa not only because he was her second favorite pilot, but because he knew how to get things done.   
Trowa was currently touring with the circus on Earth. Jasmine had arranged for Relena and herself to attend his performance. Afterwards they would talk in private about her predicament. In the meantime Jasmine would do what she felt Heero had in his heart. She would act on his emotions for him and hopefully leave him to finish the job.   
Jasmine got dressed up in a tuxedo for the circus. Aside from providing the suit for her, Duo chided her for dressing up so formally only to attend a performance where the odor of cotton candy and elephant dung would be the only things waltzing through the air. Jasmine looked at herself in the mirror before departing to pick up Relena.   
"Mmm mm! Don't you look delicious Heero. If I wasn't an ethical woman I'd be all over myself right now." Jasmine giggled at the thought. She glanced around again forgetting her surroundings. Luckily Duo had already left to take Hilde along. "Alright handsome. Let's do some matchmaking."   
  
Relena was doing some last minute touch up work on herself for their date. She thought to herself about Heero's strange changed of attitude recently. She was a little apprehensive after her initial excitement for their picnic date on the beach. She was worried Heero's sudden turn was the result of his injuries.   
She was relieved and a little let down when Heero acted a little more like his usual self during the picnic. Jasmine had wised up and decided to try to play the part a little more appropriately so as not to draw suspicion. It wouldn't look quite right if all of a sudden Heero started acting like a lovesick puppy whenever he was around Relena. Jasmine elected to work her way up to as far as she thought Heero would approach that line of affection. She was not without her slip-ups however. She couldn't resist intermittently whispering in Relena's ear "I'll kill you". She repented for her urges by declaring them recurrent brain farts where she lost herself at certain moments. Relena accepted this for the time being though she kept a close eye on Jasmine for the rest of the evening.   
_Beeep!_   
Relena looked out the window to find a stretch limo waiting with none other than Heero Yuy departing to retrieve her. She opened the door staring at Heero decked out to the nines. She looked down at herself in a wool sweater with swirls of various shades of brown and a pair of jeans.   
Thinking she misheard their destination over the vidphone she sheepishly asked, "We are going to the circus aren't we?"   
Jasmine all ready to perform her Heero Yuy bluntly replied affirmatively with a grunt. She thought it was rather good, but she was no Brando.   
"Has Trowa's troupe started a formal attire requirement I wasn't aware of?"   
"No," Jasmine shot back in her best deadpan voice. "I just thought it would be nice to dress up."   
"Oh, then should I…"   
"No. It's quite all right. You're a goddess no matter what you wear." Jasmine was wondering if she was overdoing it with her last statement.   
Relena blushed and gave Heero a peck on the cheek. "Why thank you Heero."   
With that Jasmine escorted Relena to the limo and on they went to the circus.   
************************   
I must admit I'm not as proud of this part as the others so please don't hate me if it's incredibly putrid. I was at a loss as to what to add and what to change. Oh well. I'll just have to put a little extra effort into part 4. 

-Sinbad   
  



	4. 

The Perfect Fan part 4

All righty I've got part four as a tribute to those of you who responded to part 3 despite my expectations. I got the inspiration for this part from listening to Coltrane and watching Ally McBeal (the funniest show on TV rivaled only by the the Simpsons). Another slight factor was that I had watch Eva a little before writing this (don't worry if you don't catch the reference in case you haven't watched it; it doesn't really take anything away from it). I got myself laughing over this one so hopefully it does the same for you. Bon apetit! 

Warnings: slight OOC 

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor Neon Genesis Evangelion from which there is a slight reference. Really OOC for the good relative of J.   


*************************   
Part 4   
_The Perfect Fan_   
by Sinbad   
*************************   
Heero had done some more researching on his dilemma and was pleased to discover Dr. J had a relative existing in this time who was one of the foremost scientists in researching the inter-workings of time and space. He had degrees up the wazoo and was on several NASA and NSA committees to develop space exploration and spy technology. This man could easily be the one to help him back to his life. He was aware, however, of the consequences of interferences in time from watching the old Earth classic, the "Back to the Future" trilogy. Though it was a mere story the possibilities were still feasible. Heero also considered it may not matter, as this could very well be an entirely different dimension or something else to that extent. In any event he was wary not to leak too much information about his origins or of the future.   
Heero arrived at the posh home of Mr. Ikari late in the evening to be sure the scientist would be at home. He chose to knock on the door rather than let himself in to keep on Mr. Ikari's good side. He didn't want to have to threaten and especially not to kill Ikari for fear of the ultimate consequences. Opening the door was a rather stolid man with tinted glasses and white gloves.   
"Can I help you?" he asked in a monotone voice.   
"Are you Mr. Ikari?" Heero shot back in an equally monotone and slightly more intimidating female voice.   
"Yes. Yes I am," Ikari replied attempting to one up Heero's imposing nature.   
"I need to speak with you in a matter relating to your work," Heero this time tried to deepen Jasmine's normally alto voice taking down almost to a low tenor.   
"Is that right?" Ikari now came back with a deep baritone.   
"Yes that's right." Heero was now using Jasmine's voice to hit soprano.   
"Ok. Come right in!" squealed Ikari in his best falsetto.   
"All right," screeched Heero never one to be out done.   
Ikari motioned for the young woman to come in. Heero took note of the advances inside the house that he had not witnessed elsewhere in this time period. The interior was comfortable looking with a functionalist flair accompanied with various neon detailing the gray and silver. Assorted gadgets were strewn about in a variety of stages of development.   
Ikari took out a piece from a drawer and spoke into it. "What can I do for you?" he asked in an almost inaudible tone.   
Heero stared at him unamused. He hit the small voice-altering machine away from Ikari's hands. "Knock it off!"   
"I'm sorry. Sometimes I can't control myself. Say you wouldn't happen to be fourteen would you?"   
"I don't think so." Heero replied curious at such a question.   
"Oh," he said muttering to himself, "I guess I'll have to call up Shinji."   
Taking control of the conversation Heero started asking about the anomaly he encountered. "What do you know of space-time anomalies?"   
Ikari sat back his hand to his head looking up in deep thought. "Well I know they go great with tortillas. Oh and I've developed a special recipe using salsa, cheese, and curry. Curry is really what gives it a good kick." He licked his lips just thinking about it.   
"Space-time anomalies with tortillas?" Heero was curious if he had the right house.   
"Oh space-time ANOMALIES! I thought you were here to ask me about my special space-time guacamole. I happen to be a master chef as well as an astounding scientist. Anyway space-time anomalies…hmm. Well some theorize there is a rift in time and space at the epicenter of a black hole. We haven't yet been able to send anything through that point yet. We tried to send a few satellites through but they were demolished by the tremendous pressure in the black hole. That by the way gave me the inspiration for my space-time guacamole."   
"Forget about the God damn guacamole and finish answering my question!" Heero was getting severely annoyed with Ikari.   
"Hey, I won first prize for it. I know. I have some in the fridge. Taste it and I'm sure you'll want to know more."   
Heero was now fuming. The only thing restraining him from smacking Ikari was his duty not to interfere with time. If he had his way Dr. J might never be born.   
"Hmm. I guess not. Anyway as I was saying…the satellites were smashed … smashed like avocados for smooth, creamy guacamole, the green inner core becoming thick, rich, and slightly chunky. That's the way I like it. You know…" As he turned to face the young girl all he found was a slight impression in the couch.   
"Humph. I guess she's one of those sour cream fanatics." He got up to look out the door. Not seeing her within sight he yells out, "That's right young girl. Guacamole rules. Sour cream drools…um…er…or gets really ugly when you leave it in the fridge too long. Ooh there's an idea. If I mix the two it could bring both dipping factions together. Yes! Oh Ikari you are a genius! Speaking of which, geniuses need their guacamole fix." Ikari shut the door and headed to the fridge to satisfy his cravings.   
Heero meanwhile was heading back to the lodgings he had acquired to think of a new source to get him of this mess. How in the world someone like Dr. J got to be where he is from such a moron as Ikari…> He shrugged it off and continued on into the dark night.   
*************************   
Well this may be the last part for quite a while depending on how I handle the next couple weeks of college. I'll do my best to write part 5 in my spare time. Hope you liked it. As always comments and criticism are welcomed. 

-Sinbad


	5. 

The Perfect Fan part 5

*************************   
Part 5   
_The Perfect Fan_   
by Sinbad   
*************************   
"Oh!!" Relena yelped.   
"It's ok Relena," Jasmine said trying to comfort her. "Catherine's an expert knife thrower."   
Relena blushed as Jasmine took hold of her hand. "I know Heero. Nevertheless I still get uneasy watching Trowa just stand there tied up."   
_Daa da da daaaa. Daa da da daaaa_ (from _Beethoven's 5th symphony_)   
Relena picked up her cell. "Damn it. I can't go an hour without them hassling me. Y'know Heero sometimes I wish I could just give up this political business." She listened intently to the other end tossing in affirmatives where needed to feign interest all the while rolling her eyes.   
"I'm sorry Heero. It looks as though I've got to run once again. Some nonsense they can't handle without me." She gave Heero a quick peck on the check and headed out.   
"Well at least it makes my job of talking alone with Trowa a little easier." Jasmine sighed to herself and resumed watching the show. 

After the show Jasmine headed backstage to have her talk with Trowa desperately hoping that he had a solution to her predicament. Luckily for her Catherine was meeting with the manager so Trowa was all alone backstage.   
"Trowa!" greeted Jasmine.   
Trowa nodded with a smile as he turned from locking up the lions. "How are you Heero?"   
"Good. I've come for your help, though I'm not entirely sure you can help."   
"Let me guess. You're a woman who's switched places with Heero's body." Trowa stated without hesitation.   
Jasmine was dumbstruck. "Eh… how'd you get that so quickly?"   
"Well aside from the reports I've heard regarding your encounters with Relena from Quatre; your greeting and especially your feminine gait. Your posture is slouched and your head is turned slightly downward. Also your body language and hand gestures are way off kilter… need I go on?" At this Trowa smirked ever so slightly.   
"I suppose I should have guessed I couldn't fool you Trowa. Where'd you learn to read people so well?"   
"It comes from years of listening and watching to people first instead of running off at the mouth. I've learned that listening and watching especially will tell one more about a person that they could ever tell you directly. Wufei and even Heero himself had a hand in helping me realize that, especially in regards to nonverbal movement. I imagine that's why Duo didn't pick up anything."   
Jasmine chuckled. "Yeah I'd have to agree with that. I noticed at the hospital the nurse had trouble getting a word in edgewise with him. Probably also the reason he didn't see the slap from Hilde coming for flirting with the nurse."   
"I assume you're here so you can figure out how to get back to your old body?"   
"Oooh, the clairvoyant's right on the mark again! That manager of yours should set you up with a tent and magic ball buddy."   
"Right." Trowa coughed unamused. "Well the quicker the better in getting Heero back."   
"Hey was that a crack?"   
"Time is of the essence. We don't know if there is a window of opportunity for this event to occur so we must solve this as soon as we can. Besides I don't think Heero will take kindly to how your handling situations with Relena. By the way nice suit," Trowa said noticing Jasmine's apparel.   
"Everyone's a comedian. Sheesh. I take the initiative and dress to impress to help Heero along and all I get are jokes from you pilots. I get no respect." Jasmine tugged at her tie in a mock Rodney Dangerfield.   
"Alright. First thing's first. How did this happen?"   
"Well first of all my name is Jasmine. I'm from Earth in a parallel dimension or something like that. I'm a high school student and am very fond of the strong silent type." She glanced over at Trowa with a smile.   
Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Um, well thank you. Please do get to the point though."   
"Well I was coming home to pick up my lunch when the air became distorted and everything went black. Next thing I know I'm in biker shorts with my very own joystick, and I ain't talking 'bout no Gundam controls if ya know what I mean."   
Trowa couldn't help but laugh.   
Jasmine continued her little tirade. "How do you deal these things anyways? I've tried boxers and briefs, but no matter what this little thing, or in this case big thing keeps jostling around on its own. When I had those boxers on it started to grow and I just had no idea what to do with it. I had to wait in the bathroom for the little perfect soldier to return from mighty mode. Relena was wondering what I was doing in there for ten minutes. I just told her that I had Mexican the night before. One plus at least is the lines are shorter for the bathroom. Oh and the other day…"   
"I'm guessing you're a talker, not a listener," interrupted Trowa   
"Trowa the magnificent strikes again!" cheered Jasmine.   
"Ok, back to business. It seems to me we're gonna need some bigger guns on this. I suggest you enlist Hilde's help in order to track down some info off the Wired.   
"Thanks Trowa. One last thing though. Do you mind if I give you a peck and a hug?"   
Trowa sat silent for several moments. "Just a hug."   
Jasmine giggled. "Ok." With his consent given Jasmine barreled toward the terror struck Trowa. Just then Catherine walked in.   
"Ahem." Catherine shouted out to make aware her presence.   
"Hey Catherine." Jasmine stammered looking up from the ground where she lay on top of Trowa.   
Trowa got up calmly brushing off the dirt. "Thanks for teaching me that counter Heero. I'm sure that will be effective next time I have one on one combat."   
Jasmine caught on missing only a beat or two. She replied in deadpan, "No problem. Next time around we should do a little more sparing to hone our techniques."   
Catherine looked on hesitantly but nevertheless a smile soon lit up her face. "Next times do it outside boys. You're liable to hurt someone else in here."   
"Sure thing Catherine," replied Trowa. "I'll see Heero out then."   
At the exit the two exchange well wishes though Jasmine was denied another hug. Jasmine then set out to complete her mission giving Trowa a puppy dog frown as she walked away.   
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Comments and criticism welcomed.


	6. 

The Perfect Fan part 6

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Part 6   
_The Perfect Fan_   
by Sinbad   
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"What's happening to me?" Heero sat on a park bench in his newly acquired feminine form. He looked out into the cool night sky and fixated on the moon. He remembered nights on Earth during the war looking up at the sky. Things seemed hopeless at times, but there was always himself to believe in if no one else. He knew he could complete his missions or at least die trying. But now all seemed lost. He had tried several of the foremost scientists all who turned out to be lunatics. He burrowed through everything he could lay his hands on figuring he could decipher this enigma on his own. Unfortunately it was all for not. He spent nearly a month looking for answers only to find his nadir. He had run out of options and all seemed completely hopeless. There was nothing he could fathom that he could do to get back to his old life. He could never see his comrades, couldn't protect them, or more importantly, protect her. At least there he knew he could fight even if he was the only who was willing to die for the mission.   
And now he was looking into virgin skies that had yet to experience the violence and ignorance of his times. Moreover he was in a body that was nowhere near the conditioning that his former battle ragged physique held. He knew he couldn't destroy this body either because the former owner may one day find a way back to it. His only sliver of hope lay in someone else and in the meantime he could do nothing but wait. If he couldn't fight his way to the answer he would do as the sarariman do at the end of the day to forget their stresses; he would drink his troubles away.   
He walked downtown into a less than appealing looking establishment. He had admitted defeat for the first time in his life. This was the type of place a weakling like he deserved, he thought.   
He plopped his petite frame onto the stool in front of the bartender. The bar was relatively empty save for the bartender, the bouncer, and a couple of aging men propping themselves up in a booth pondering life's mysteries in a drunken stupor. Heero's now almond shaped doe eyes looked coldly at the bartender. "Give me a bottle of sake," he demanded.   
The bartender looked down to the girl in front of her who looked no older than fourteen. "Kid, I don't know who you think you are or where you are, but we only serve those of legal age here," she said in a laughing tone.   
Heero, needless to say, was in no mood for some bartender to tell him what he was going to do. Grabbing the bartender by the collar he replied in low, harsh, threatening manner, "Give me the damn drink."   
The bartender's manner changed from jovial to bordering on anger with the girl's last remark. "Ok, kid. You're starting to get on my nerves. Now get out before I have the bouncer escort you out."   
Heero pulled his gun out much to the surprise of the bartender. "You do and you'll both be tending to the angels." He motioned the bouncer over with his gun. "Get over here." He proceeded to tie them both up. He then eyed the drunks in the corner booth to see if they were going to be of any trouble. They were simply laughing at the events going on. The eldest and drunkest of the bunch raised his glass to Heero.   
"You go girl!" he giggled in a slur. "Don't let the man keep you down and especially not one with a woman's face! Be careful about that panda bear in the corner though. I think he's been munching on some steroid laced bamboo. He almost knocked me out earlier, but we showed him a thing or two. Just tickle his fur and give him some eucalyptus leaves." In a loud whisper he continued, "He's really a koala bear in disguise you know. Right boys?"   
The others mumbled an affirmative. One let out a loud hurrah before falling into his drink. The eldest gave Heero a wink before turning away and taking another swig of his beer.   
Comforted in the fact that his friends in the corner could do no harm, the soldier trapped in a girl's body helped himself to the liquor behind the counter. Apparently mixing drinks for Dr. J was also part of his training.   
About an hour or two later (as someone such as Heero takes a long time to get intoxicated despite being in another body) Heero was well on his way to forgetting his troubles. Quite frankly he was plastered. The drunks in the corner were already passed out by now and the two tied up had fallen asleep. Heero was all alone.   
"How dry I am… how dry I am," Heero sang in a drunken slur. He stared at himself in the mirror across from the stool he was propping himself on trying to gain focus on his feminine features. He raised his eyebrows a couple times admiring his image in the mirror. He blew a kiss to himself and giggled. "Hey good looking! What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" He noticed the image in the mirror mimicking him. In a lethargic drawl he muttered, "Hey what are you trying to make fun of me? Get up and fight like a woman!" He clumsily got up from the stool and moved towards the image. On his way to the mirror he slipped on some of the sake he had spilled earlier.   
"A wise guy aye? Trying to play tricks on me?" He wiped his face in Three Stooges' style. "Whoooo who who who who who who," he yelled out imitating Curly. Attempting to fight off the nonexistent agitator he walked around in circles while lying on the floor. He lied still on the floor for a few minutes staring into oblivion. He groggily turned to look out at the night sky his eyes glazed over.   
From behind the sliver of the moon he noticed a small object quickly approaching and ever so slightly increasing in size. As it drew near it started to take the form of a jet fighter. This appeared as no ordinary fighter for sure. Its structure was not nearly as sleek as of a normal fighter plane, though its speed far exceeded that of a space shuttle. He noticed now that it was headed straight for the bar!   
Ever closer it drew till quick as lightening it flew straight threw the glass. Heero braced himself and closed his eyes preparing for glass shards to come flying. No such thing happened though. It floated through like a nacho into cheese whiz. Heero withdrew his hands from his eyes. He could now clearly distinguish all the features of the fighter plane. It was a small Wing Gundam in jet mode! One thing more stood out about this jet. It was pink! And no, not just any pink – it was metallic hot pink!   
The jet fighter came to a smooth halt in mid-air and began to transform into a Gundam right before Heero's eyes.   
"Hello," spoke the Gundam solemnly. Heero could do nothing but stare in mute incomprehension. The Gundam came forward stopping just short in front of Heero. It bent down picking Heero up and sat him down onto a stool.   
"Who are you?" Heero finally managed to mutter.   
The Gundam looked on in silence for a few moments before replying in a gruff voice, "I'm Batman."   
"What?!" blurted out taken aback by the statement.   
Suddenly the Gundam started shaking before finally erupting into laughter. "Man, that's a priceless look! In all the years you've piloted me I've never seen you twitillate your face like that." The Gundam continued bellowing out laughter.   
"What are you?" Heero started, now in a drunken rage for being made such a fool.   
"Don't you recognize me? I'm Wing Gundam. Chibi Wing Gundam to be more specific. I'm the astroprojection of your Gundam! Just call me Chibi G. Not to be confused of course with Kenny G. I don't know a respectable sax player alive who'd admit any relation in style, name, or otherwise with him."   
"You're a sax player?" Heero responded still at a loss as to what was going on.   
"Sho' nuff. I can play "Donna Lee" quicker than the "Bird" himself. Anyhow I digress. How are you doing buddy 'ol pal? How's your new body treating ya?"   
Heero continued to eye the Gundam speaking before him with disbelief. He replied hesitantly but firmly in tone, "It's fine, but I'll be getting back to my old one soon enough. At least then I won't have to worry about bouncing mounds of lipid in my way or blood flowing out of me every so often. The bathroom lines are a pain, but I just push the rest of them out of my way." Heero smiled now back to his former giddy drunken state after recovering from the mild shock of a metallic hot pink Gundam. A chibi one at that! He didn't know what was going on, but he really didn't care. Besides the thing looked kind of cute.   
"So what's brings you here Chibi G?" Heero questioned merrily.   
"Well I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by. I was hoping I might find some fembots, but they seem to be lacking in this age."   
"Oh. That's too bad. Why not join me for a drink!"   
"I'd be delighted!"   
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End file.
